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David
Posts:499
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| 08/29/2009 10:58 AM |
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| Well, I guess those of us guys not lucky enough to be gifted with being very funny are just screwed then. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Lindsey
Posts:70
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| 08/29/2009 3:03 PM |
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I like the confident guy.The guy that make me laugh and compliments me. I think the guy should be at least in shape,but to me the muscular body is not that important. Well I'm not saying I dont like the six-pack look but I can do with out.lol
-Lindsey |
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Jackie
Posts:14
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| 08/31/2009 5:07 AM |
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To go back to the very beginning of this forum and answer the question you asked first, there are a lot of things that attract a girl to a guy besides him being funny. A lot of girls may like a guy who makes them laugh, but I personally -and many other girls I know- don't see that as a necessity. Of course girls are attracted to a guy if he is attractive, but if his personality is shallow and empty, then the girl, if she has enough confidence in herself, will move on, not just because she feels compelled to, but because she isn't connected with him emotionally.
Also, if a guy isn't all that attractive, maybe plain and awkward, but has all the qualities that you mentioned earlier, than a girl will most likely respect and enjoy being around him. And if she feels secure enough with him to share personal matters and carry on deep conversations with him, and she sees that he in return enjoys listening to her and sharing his own personal matters with her, than she will unavoidably grow to like him even more, despite his lack of attractiveness.
Just as guys tell girls to just be themselves, guys should just be themselves around girls because a major attractive quality for a girl is a guy who is confident and sure of himself. Girls like to feel secure and protected and a confident guy makes them feel that way.
As if the guy is a strong christian and the girl is too, she will automatically feel drawn to this guy through her love for God and desire to share this love with someone else, who understands and feels the same way. One of the most attractive qualities for a strong christian girl is a guy who loves the Lord and has the strength to speak about Him and the desire to serve Him amidst the distractions of the world. Also, a strong christian man is someone that a girl feels can lead her spiritually in a marriage and grow closer to God with her, becoming a great role model for children in the future.
Girls are attracted to handsome guys, yes, but it is the guy's heart that makes her love him. And in that case, she will begin to see the guy as being attractive, no matter what she used to think before.
Physical attraction is important to a girl, but if God designed a good christian who isn't as handsome as most guys, than he has designed a good christian girl who will be drawn to him no matter how plain he is. |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 08/31/2009 8:55 PM |
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I just have this to say 
all, except one, of the guys I've ever liked are not exactly what I'd call "drop dead gorgeous"
I actually didn't think much of them at all when I first met them... but I grew to liking them, and then, even if everyone esle thought they were ugly, I thought they were very handsom 
nuff said |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Jackie
Posts:14
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| 09/01/2009 2:50 PM |
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| I think the majority of girls in this world can relate to what you just said. I personally have felt the same way many times. It just all depends on a lot of things.. |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 09/01/2009 5:16 PM |
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| I only knew one guy that was really good looking, he had a massive crush on me and for that reason I didn't like him!! We didn't see eachother for years and both did alot of growing up and now we are very food friends. Though the man I love isn't as good looking he's handsome to me! |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 09/02/2009 12:35 PM |
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| haha, I laughed alot when I read everybody's posts. the guy I like, well... in probably many people's honest opinions (even his own), he's not much to look at. but I just told him the other day, before he left for missions, that even if he's not strong on the outside, his strength on the inside is a thousand times better. he has such a heart for Christ and the lost, I'm amazed and inspired. I also agree with (whomever said it) the strange fact that many times girls are attracted to guys that are most like their dads. my dad isn't "buff" or even toned, he was never a sports star in school, he's basically just your average Joe. I have to giggle every time I think of the similarities between him and my guy. =] |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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David
Posts:499
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| 09/02/2009 2:45 PM |
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Though the man I love isn't as good looking he's handsome to me!
but I just told him the other day, before he left for missions, that even if he's not strong on the outside, his strength on the inside is a thousand times better.
Translate those phrases into these:
"Though the woman I love isn't as beautiful as this other girl that I'm very close to, she's good looking to me."
and
A guy says to his girlfriend, "You're not that good looking on the outside, but you're a beautiful person on the inside."
How do you think a girl would react to hearing those?
Guys want girls to think we are physically attractive. Though we might grin and bear comments like the above, they can actually be very hurtful. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 09/02/2009 5:22 PM |
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How do you think a girl would react to hearing those?
Guys want girls to think we are physically attractive. Though we might grin and bear comments like the above, they can actually be very hurtful.
David, I have to honestly say that I wouldn't take those comments very well (surprise...). of course every person on the face of this planet wants to feel attractive.
but, I think when you know a person so well, that they have a selfless Christ-like mindset, comments like, "you sure look good today" or "wow, that shirt looks amazing on you" just... don't have the same effect as, "I can't explain the way I feel around you. though so-and-so, in your opinion (meaning my guy's), may have a better body, you're the only one I feel safe around." and yes, I've said that to my guy and I really think that he's taken that much more to heart than any other time that I've said, "you look nice", etc. that says alot to me, that he isn't whining or asking me why I don't compliment him more. it shows it's not all he thinks about and that he knows it's not all I think about, either. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 09/02/2009 6:18 PM |
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When we say those sorts of comments, David, we're not saying them how you've said the "female" equivilent... If i was to translate exactly what i was meaning from those 2 comments they'd come out quite differently...
Like: "though the man I love isn't as good looking, he's handsom to me"
into: "though the woman i love isn't such a "supermodel" type, to me she's gorgeous."
because quite frankly, I'd be so flattered by that statement... I'm not a supermodel, and dont want to be one... who wants to "not" eat?
O.K. yes, the second one might sound a little bit sad... but I don't think it was meant to sound as sad as your version. I would have said more "you might not be as drop dead gorgeous, but your character etc makes you all the more attractive..."
lol. IDK if those would be hurtful to you, how would you phrase them (about a guy) in a way that would be kinda how we (girls) are thinking we sound?
lol if that makes sense |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 09/02/2009 6:54 PM |
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The problem is most of the comments you girls are making about your guys are comparative: you are comparing (physically) your guy to another guy and your guy loses the comparison. Yes, it's more important that you are attracted to who a person is as the most important thing, but the "smaller" compliments also have meaning. Would you want to be with a guy that never called you pretty or beautiful, even if he said frequently how amazing you were?
My overall point is I have a problem with the comparative nature of the phrases you girls are using. How would it feel if your guy said to you, "That other girl over there is more beautiful than you, but you mean more to me than she does"? I doubt you'd like it, and we don't like it either.
Again, as a guy I will say this: I want my girlfriend to find me physically attractive. Yes, I want her to think I'm amazing, but I want her to think I'm physically attractive. I would never want a girl to say something like, "You're not that good looking, but I am attracted to you anyways." That is essentially what you girls are saying about these guys. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 09/03/2009 4:10 AM |
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To your first paragraph... I honestly... wouldn't mind if he never called me pretty or beautiful... I tend to get weirded out if anyone calls me that lol I'd be totally fine with him calling me amazing. it's kinda sorta the same thing as calling me beautiful in the fact that if girl's like to be told their beautiful... I like to be called amazing hehe yes, im weird
I don't think u girls are actually saying "This guy... right over here *points to "attractive guy"* is hotter than you, but I like you better..." I don't think any of us would do that. unless it's some horrible girl who likes dissing guys...
We're just saying that, to us... mostly physical attraction isn't high on our list... and mostly even if the guy "originally" to us isn't attractive, over time, we see him as the most attractive guy ever!!!! Like my one friend only dates "brown" boys... her words, not mine... and yes... it's sad, and one cant stand blue eyed blonde guys... but I tend to like blue eyed blonde guys... (mostly, but there have been a few exceptions ) and both of those girls think I'm insane cuz they don't find that attractive... and this most likely doesn't have anything really to do with the current convo lol.
so of course if the guy says what you wrote in paragraph 2... he'd probably get slapped (if he was purposefully being a jerk...) or laughed at or the girl would cry...
because we aren't actually literally pointing out a so called "hotter" guy and saying "you dont measure up..."
lol I donno how to explain it, someonbe else try
and the honest truth is... your future spouse may or may not find you physically attractive... Most likely my future spouse wont (but that's cuz I dont think I am but that's another story... and I refuse to get a nose job!! stupid operations!) *AHEM*
They will overall, think you're attractive, and I know for me, even if my husband isn't "the most gorgeous guy ever" I'll be over the moon and think he's perfect and no other guy will come close in comparisson. |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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James
Posts:35
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| 09/04/2009 4:23 AM |
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I hear what your saying JoJo but I'd have to agree with David, no matter what your intentions might be if guys don't measure up they will feel inadequate.
Most guys have a pretty big (if not huge) ego and if girls (the ultimate judges) compare you and tell you that you aren't as good looking as other guys that's pretty crushing.
Last week in a cooking lesson there was a picture of an apparently good looking Italian in a book and a few of my girl friends were all over him (I thought he was a girl at first because he looked so feminine) Even though I knew they were making a joke out of it and doing it to annoy me it still got on my nerves.
Most guys think that if a girl looks at a guy and says he's attractive she's just talking about his body whether she likes his personality or not. They don't quite get the way that you can look at a man and see his heart, making him the most desirable catch ever. |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 09/04/2009 9:12 AM |
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I don't think you girls are actually saying "This guy... right over here *points to "attractive guy"* is hotter than you, but I like you better..."
that's right. we're not, at all.
They don't quite get the way that you can look at a man and see his heart, making him the most desirable catch ever.
YEAH. like Jojo's been reiterating, I, in no way shape or form, am dissing my guy and his looks! right now, I just don't look at any others. sure, I "notice" guys, but the physical attraction any more than, "he's cute", just isn't there. because I know that my guy has so much more depth to himself that a cute face. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 09/04/2009 9:13 AM |
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| than* a cute face. (gosh, I hate how you can't edit your posts after they're posted!) |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 09/05/2009 12:24 AM |
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LOL thanks, that's exactly what Im saying
I'm not saying you guys are wrong... I think it's just that our genders don't understand each other...
Like in all honestly... if *everyone's picture of the Ideal guy* is what every guy is supposed to be... like 99% will fall short... cuz NO ONE's perfect, and every guy will have some girl that thinks they don't measure up... It goes the same for girls... Not all girls are the super sexy model type with perfect teeth, perfect hair, whatever... and most of us will fall short... But I for one actually couldn't care less if I wasn't a super sexy model type they can go suck lemons hehe
so basically every single person who exists/has existed/will exist won't measure up to "EVERYONE's" ideal so, what do we do about it?? Get over it, move on, it's never gonna happen no matter how hard you try. Learn to love yourself how you are, see yourself as the awesome woman/man of God that you are and be content with the amazing person God has made you to be, because in the end... That's all that matters, and if people cant see that... it's their own stupid problem and they're the ones who have issues they need to deal with
K donno where that came from... sometimes God just gives me something to say/write that's kinda off topic, but meh... it's important anyways hehe |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 09/05/2009 12:44 AM |
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Actually while I think of it... Emily posted a link on my topic "Long Distance" and I've been going through some of it... and I just found something that relates EXACTLY to this convo...
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001371.cfm
some of it says
"I once counseled a Christian brother in his dating relationship with a great woman. She was godly, caring, and bright. She was attractive, but not a supermodel. For weeks I listened to this brother agonize over his refusal to commit and propose to this woman. He said they were able to talk well about a lot of things, but there were a few topics he was interested in that she couldn't really engage with, and sometimes the conversation "dragged."
He also said that, while he found her basically attractive, there was one feature of hers that he "just pictured differently" on the woman he would marry. I would ask about her godliness and character and faith, and he said all those things were stellar (and he was right). Finally, he said, "I guess I'm looking for a 'ten'."
I could hold back no longer. Without really thinking, I responded, "You're looking for a 'ten'? But, brother, look at yourself. You're like a 'six.' If you ever find the woman you're looking for, and she has your attitude, what makes you think she would have you?"
Here's something else the world won't tell you. Even if you find your "perfect ten" — however you define "ten" — marriage is still hard. When you search for a spouse, you are looking for someone (a sinner, like you) who you will be serving God and living the Christian life with until Christ returns or one of you dies."
"What then? Am I saying that attraction and chemistry have no place in your consideration of whom to marry? No. Does biblical faithfulness require that we all run out and marry the godliest, most personally grating person we can find? Of course not.
In God's kindness to us, He doesn't just nourish us, He has provided an infinite variety of foods that not only keep us alive, but that also taste good to us. In the same way, God has graciously given us physical attraction, chemistry, and pleasure to make marriage and its unique intimacy that much sweeter to us. That's good and right.
Enjoy those things, but don't be a slave to them. Desire them, but have a realistic idea of what those words mean in a fallen world, and the limited role they should play in one of the most important decisions of your Christian life. Remember, "the movies" aren't real, and they aren't the standard. It's not that attraction makes no difference, but it shouldn't make the difference.
What should make the difference? Well, the Bible talks about the characteristics of godly men and women. These are the things that the Lord Himself considers to be good attributes, or, to use a different word, "attractive." " |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 09/05/2009 1:10 AM |
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Ladies, what I'm talking about isn't what you mean to say, it's how you say it. You might mean, "You are such an amazing person that nothing could compare to you." But how it comes out to us guys is, "You aren't very physically attractive and, in fact, I know many guys better looking than you." Don't make comparative statements about your guys when your guys lose. You should be physically attracted to him more than other guys and you should let him know that. Remember, we want to be the ultimate guy to you. We want other guys to fall short to us in your mind in every way. Of course, in reality outside of your head this is an impossibility, but you should work on viewing him as your ultimate. As such, comments such as, "You're not much to look at even if you are awesome" aren't really the best things to say.
I'm not sure I agree with that quoted article thing. It seems a bit simplistic. Yes, physically attraction shouldn't be the biggest determining factor, but it is a factor. The author sort of makes a logical mistake that many people make. I've heard plenty of girls lament the fact that guys need to be physically attracted to a girl to want to be with her, but they, deep down, actually want guys to be that way. Ask yourself this: do you want to be with a guy who thinks you're ugly? Of course not. You want a guy who will tell you that you are the most beautiful looking girl in the world. Every girl can find that. I fully believe that for every girl there is a guy who will find her beautiful. In regards to that article, the author needs to differentiate between appropriate physical attraction/rejection and inappropriate physically attraction/rejection. If a guy rejects a girl because her ring finger is longer than her index finger, that's a problem. But if a guy doesn't express interest in a girl because she's extremely overweight, that is acceptable. Guys need that visual attraction, and girls want guys to find them visually attractive.
Sorry if all that seems incoherent. I'm in a hotel room on a laptop after a full day of driving a motorcycle. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 09/05/2009 9:49 PM |
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Just so everyone knows... that article was written... by a guy... who's studied what the bible says about marriage and dating etc...
firstly, most girls aren't that heartless to blatantly actually say "you don't measure up."
Though the man I love isn't as good looking he's handsome to me!
this is Clare stating to us the actual facts... she's not actually saying this to her boyfriend...
and i know that even if you dont say it to his face you're saying you shouldn't say it at all... but truth is truth... no matter what, and you cant lie to yourself and everyone and say "MY BOYFRIEND IS THE MOST TONNED HANDSOM GUY ON THE PLANET" if he really isnt.
FYI girls dont HAVE to find their guy physically attractive... it helps, but it's not manditory...
I agree with what Emily said about how she can see a guy and go "oh he's cute" but she's not saying "oh! he's an upgrade on my boyfriend, so I should dump him cuz he doesn't measure up..." (lol just from what I remember her saying... )
I know it's hard for guys to understand, but girls just don't think this way and it's how God's made us... Yes i want a guy I'm attracted to... but I honestly don't care if he's not a MR PRINCE CHARMING. Honestly, just for example... the guy I like atm actually isn't mr "awesomely handsom" he's average, but if another guy who was drop dead gorgeous asked me to dance with him and so did the guy I like... I'd say "sorry mr "too good looking, but you're not my type." and I'd go for the guy I like.
Basically you'd need to have the mind of a girl to get what I'm saying because I'm sure all the girls get what I'm saying. I brought up the discussion @ youth and a whole lot of the girls (without me saying what I've said here or telling them my oppinion) said the exact same thing.
I know me, as a girl, thinks differently to a guy, so I don't expect my future bf to HAVE to Immediately be in love with my personality and totally disregard his natural "physical attraction" to a girl. I know a guy mostly needs to be physically attracted to me before he'll even notice me... so I'm fine with that. that's how God made him, and that's how he is... so please dont expect us girls to be something were not!! I get what you're saying, but girls just aren't and won't ever be full on physically attracted to a guy... there are a minority that are... but honest. to most girls, physical attraction is... like 5% of what we love about a guy. If I fall in love with someone and everyone else thinks he's the ugliest guy ever, I honestly dont care, I'll love him anyways. and to me, even if no one else thinks he mesures up, I think he does. and i guess that's actually what clare was trying to say. not that she thinks he's ugly, (cuz she doesn't) but others might and she couldn't care less if they did. (lol sorry if I'm worng clare feel free to correct me )
like honest atm I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall... in all honesty, it's like everyone expects everyone to think like they do and wont even consider what anyone else thinks...
I might not be right in all I say, and I do take into consideration what you guys are saying (as I think all us girls do... and we see where you're coming from...) but please try to see where we're coming from as well and that simply to us, Physical attraction just isn't a big deal and for us, it's kinda impossible to make physical attraction a big deal... it just doesn't happen. us girls are trying to see things from your perspective, I mean why do you think we at least try to look attractive? but at least to me, guys are trying too much to look attractive, cuz that's what they look for in girls, and aren't listening to what girls REALLY look for... we don't have to put much work into personality stuff (unless we are really horrible girls who have nothing else going for them but their looks) cuz that's automatic for us... we have to really work on the "outward" stuff. Guys just automatically do the "outward stuff..." and seem to think that's how it is... and dont realise girls actually go for the heart, not the outer shell.
Honestly, the most attractive thing about a guy's physical appearance to me... is his face... and that's about it...
sure a tonned guy is nice, and if he's strong enough to protect me, it's nice too... but it's not manditory. I can look after myself if I have to (in an extreme case... I'd prefer not to have to be the strong one...)
I know guys will automatically think their girl is the most beautiful, cuz that's how they're wired... (according to what you guys have just stated? or am I wrong? If i'm wrong, than you can't expect us to also think you're the most attractive thing out...) but I'm not expecting him to think that no one else is prettier... cuz in reality there are tonnes of girls prettier than me, and if he say's they're not... he's lying.
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 09/06/2009 9:17 AM |
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| I see what you're both saying- though those things weren't said with any thought of comparison, when it's pointed out it's true, I think it's there. It's like that saying "It's the thought that counts," but, is it really only the thought that counts, and not the end result? Just because we mean to say something doesn't mean that what is perceived is what we meant to communicate. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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