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AllieRay
Posts:82
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| 03/06/2010 9:36 PM |
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Ok so this is something I have wondered about for a while. What do guys think about girls asking them out, or their friends asking them out for a girl? I have always the guy should always be the one to ask the girl out, and stuff like that. My friend thinks I am "old fashioned" and "homeschooled minded" (I am homeschooled, but idk if I should be offended by this term or not lol) She says that most of the time guys dont get the hints that girls give them. I think that if they dont see the hints either they arent looking for them or they dont want to see them, because some girls drop pretttttyyyy BIG hints! So I just wanted to know what the normal teenage guy thinks about this subject. BTW the reason this all came up is because my friends want to set me up with a guy I really dont want to go out with (not that I would be allowed anyway..) and they want to ask him out for me. So there is my problem. Any help would be much appreciated! Thanks |
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Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way
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Lost get found by Britt Nicole |
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Grant I.
Posts:141
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| 03/07/2010 2:31 AM |
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Don't do it! Nooooooooooo!!! LOL I used to think that that would be awesome! Live a happy happy life until some awesome girl asks me out, we date, we marry, and live a happy happy ever after. Your friend is right. Guys don't get subtle hints. Guys don't get strong hints. Guys don't get OBVIOUS hints! Just say it!  I can't speak for all guys, but for myself, it's not gonna help a girl's chances to ask me out or get all mushy with me. I'm still kinda trying to figure out if it's selfish, or just me being a guy, but I personally find it kind of a turnoff. For me, if I'm not attracted to a girl romantically just from hanging out with her, I probably never will. I'll give a couple examples...
First encounter, my "li'l sis"(no family relation whatsoever, and 1 of 3) became attracted to me one night ice skating on the neighbor's pond because I gave her attention, and spent some time just chatting with her, just us two going in laps. I never gave it a thought, because that's just what I do. She then got a huge crush on me, and was always flirting with me, and telling me that she liked me, etc. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED the attention, but I just simply didn't feel the same way about her. I just didn't see it ever happening, and I told her as gently as possible that I just don't think it's meant to be, and that we shouldn't egg it on. BTW, I liked another girl at the time too. She then got really jealous of the girl I liked, and got kinda ugly, so I basically told her that this needs to stop, because it's just not happening...We were too young for either of our parents to let us date anyway. She got mad at me for around a year, then finally came around. We're great friends again now, and she went bowling with us tonight!  I was probably a jerk to her, and I kinda feel bad for letting her down and disappointing her like that, but like I told her, it's better to hurt her now, before anything happens, than to lead her on and hurt her much much worse later. I'm not saying this to say that no, it will never work, but it didn't work on me.
Another girl went nuts over me, but she was just plain weird...had some serious emotional/whatever problems, etc., and she wanted to be "all that" to me. That didn't work either.
Oh shoot...you said NORMAL teenage guy...sorry, disregard what I said. LOL My advice to you, if you really really like him, and he doesn't seem to know it, do what you need to do to let him know that you like him, then leave it up to him. Don't just put yourself out there for him and make yourself easy to get. Real guys like a challenge. If he doesn't share any of the same feelings, he probably never will. If he likes you too, he'll probably ask you out. If you feel that it is necessary to ask a guy out yourself, make pretty stinkin' SURE that he feels at least somewhat the same toward you. IMHO, this is a great way to ruin your chances of getting a particular guy. One way you could come across to a guy by asking him out is seeming needy, like you just have to have him to survive, and then it would make him feel bad to turn you down because you have already kind of set the stage to "be hurt." Overall, I say it's a bad idea. Just be your cool self, and be the woman that real men want to know, and it'll happen in God's timing. Just be patient. |
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Adelynn
Posts:442
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| 03/07/2010 9:21 AM |
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| Would casually inviting a guy to a movie with friends or to play pick-up frisbee at the local university- only meaning it as a "hey, come hang out with us" and not a date- be considered the same way? |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Grant I.
Posts:141
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| 03/07/2010 10:01 AM |
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| Absolutely not! In fact, I'd be flattered! That's more of a hey, "there's kids playin', wanna join?" There's really no strings attached, and it would be a great opportunity to kinda stick yourself into his life without any conditions or expectations. If he takes a liking to you, that's awesome! If he doesn't, don't be offended, and probably be glad, because IMHO it's alot better to be ignored by an incompatible "other" than to be led on for a while then dumped. Also, even if he likes you, but not romantically, you've still got another guy friend to watch movies or play frisbee with, or ask questions, etc. I've had sort of the same thing happen to me, and I was floored! |
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Liz
Posts:280
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| 03/08/2010 2:53 PM |
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Ok, Off subject, but I've noticed that alot of people uses the word "normal" to describe others. That kinda bugs me because there really is no normal. If you think you're wierd and I'm normal, then I would probably be thinking you're normal and I'm weird. There isn't a real "normal"....is there??
Maybe "averages", but no "normals".
Anyhoo....I actually just wanted to say thanks Grant for those great answers. I like the way you put them; they make alot of sense. |
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A girl should be so lost in God that a guy has to go in Him in order to find her |
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JoJo
Posts:968
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| 03/08/2010 7:44 PM |
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ok i'll just say, when a girl asks a guy out, it's cuz she's impatient, wants her way, and is selfish,. it's kinda insulting in someways for a guy, (im a girl so I'm not 100% on this, guys correct me if I'm wrong) because its like the girl wants to step up and be the "in control one" but that was the guys job given by God from the beginning... by "in control" meaning, the one to start things, the person in charge (like God said the man should be the head of the household...) so idk, I just think it's not a good idea... it's like girls feel they have to be the "manly" one, but then that gives the guys an excuse to "not" be manly, and then we have a bunch of pansy guys... and it sucks for the girls who actually want a manly guy. haha
donno if that makes sense... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
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God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Grant I.
Posts:141
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| 03/08/2010 9:04 PM |
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Thanks for saying that JoJo! I hate explaining it that way, because then it sounds like we're just trying to dominate women and "lord" our "manliness" over them and make them do whatever we want them to.
We had a bunch of segregated "chapels" in school (private church school) where we discussed, and did surveys, etc. about what the girls wished would be better about the guys, and guys about the girls, or you know, things guys/girls can do above and beyond the "call of duty." One of the biggest things the girls said(besides all the usual guys are pigs, knock it off, do it somewhere else stuff LOL) was that they want the guys to be better leaders. They wanted us to take charge making volleyball teams(we played mixed volleyball, etc. at breaks), deciding where we go out to eat after softball/volleyball/basketball, leading out in a prayer meeting, etc. They would much rather follow than lead. When none of the guys did anything, then a girl had to lead out because someone has to, and it made them feel out of place and insecure. As a result, like JoJo said, us guys started thinking...hey, if they'll do it, we'll just stay out of their way, and everyone's happy. That works. The job's getting done. No problem. So...where should I play, Rachel? One of my best girl(space)friends even wrote up a really cool rundown of "Things That Make My Heart Go Pitter Patter" for me when I was in charge of one of the seg. chapels. It really did alot of the same things for me that the surveys done for "For Young Men Only" did. It really opened my eyes to what the girls expected from us guys, and what all we can do to make their lives easier, and, well, to make us look alot better to girls! These things have perks too! I have long ago given up on my looks to attract women, so I was glad to have stuff like that. LOL!
I guess all this to say...please wait a bit, and give us a chance to "do our manly thing." If none of the guys you are interested in are man enough to do that, maybe you should be looking at getting interested in some other guys who are. Not to say that you shouldn't give them a chance, but if you want to get serious with someone, I think it's a trait that your man should have at least some of. Some are far more natural leaders than others, so there has to be room for grace. I am a natural born "pansy," so I've had to crawl/scramble/clammer my way up to the place I am at now, where I am semi-comfortable leading out in some situations. Thanks again JoJo! I'm glad that I could see that being written by a girl. |
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Adelynn
Posts:442
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| 03/09/2010 7:50 AM |
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Okay, I have to say that I don't mind leading, it does not make me uncomfortable. I have no issues leading a Bible Study or getting games together or getting anything together, really, because I'm an oldest by five years and that has always been my responsibility. If I don't know what is happening, yeah I would rather follow someone who does... but generally I'm actually uncomfortable following. I'm more into diplomatic group decisions.
BUT I do hate it when someone else just doesn't lead or take any responsibility. For example, in my Bible Studies, I'll read or have someone else read something and then I ask, "What do you guys (meaning everyone) think of that?" So I expect everyone to share what they're thinking, to read, and during prayers at the end, we go around and everyone prays for the person beside them. I kind of expect everyone there to be part of it and take some initiative. And yes, I think that guys have been given a green light to just sit back while the women take care of them, but I don't want to be some guys mother. I want to be his wife, his partner.
Grant, I don't think you have to worry about your looks =] Just noticed that you said something about that. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Jordan
Posts:3
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| 03/10/2010 1:33 AM |
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| I don't find anything wrong with this whatsoever, BUT let me add that if the reason you're asking is because the guy is too shy then it's not a good idea because you're taking away the small amount of "man-hood" he has. not that all shy men are lacking in man hood but let's be real here they do struggle with it. |
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Reppin the Romans 1 1 6 Clique!!!! |
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clare
Posts:634
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| 03/10/2010 6:45 PM |
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Well Grant, from what I know about you (unless you've been lying to me all along) you got things figured out and would you stop it about the looks! Remember what I said about the kids i know with one Asian parent
In out old church the guys were expected to lead out and the girls were expected to follow in all things and never state their own opinion. That was too much. To expect the guys to do it all and the girls to be so submissive and never say what you thought.
There has to be a balance, but like Jojo and Grant said, if a guy doesn't step up, a girl will, tehn the guy will feel he isn't needed and just slips into the background. There are so many women just 'running the show' now that the men have turned "soft" and feel they can't do it and just let us girls!! |
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sometimes He says yes. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes He says wait awhile....
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JoJo
Posts:968
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| 03/11/2010 3:23 AM |
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| haha o.k. I will add... I am a girl and I am a natural leader, but I couldn't handle a guy who'd let me push him around... and I guess my mistake is that I know I'm a leader personality, and so when I like someone I tend to try to not be a leader... and then i guess I dont do stuff enough, and they think I'm not interested lol. so you do need a balance, but overall, the guy has to be a guy, the way God made them, and we have to be girls, the way God made us... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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rachel
Posts:34
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| 03/13/2010 3:04 PM |
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| i had the same problem. kind of. i liked this guy i was really good friend with and i thought he liked me but i'm "old fashioned" and refuse to ask guys out (it just doesn't work for me, i can't figure out why girls think thats cool) and my friends were like "oh my goodness rachel just ASK HIM OUT!" and i'm like "noooo if he likes me he'll ask me" eventually he did, but i get the feeling he had a little help (my friends like to meddle with my love life!). hehe be patient and if its meant to be, then it'll be. i wouldn't date a guy that i have to ask out because the rest of the relationship would be unconfortable for me. its just not meant to be if i have to ask him. |
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"The difference between involvement and commitment is like a eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved-the pig was committed." |
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**Jes :-)
Posts:134
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| 03/13/2010 10:28 PM |
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My advice to you, if you really really like him, and he doesn't seem to know it, do what you need to do to let him know that you like him, then leave it up to him. Don't just put yourself out there for him and make yourself easy to get. Real guys like a challenge.
hey grant this might seem like a silly question but i am going to ask it anyway! could you break that down to a more basic answer...i suppose girls don't quite get simple hints either!! LOL! what would you classify as ''do what you have to do to let him no'' and ''don't put yourself out there for him and make yourself easy to get''. |
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Grant I.
Posts:141
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| 03/13/2010 11:32 PM |
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Sorry, it's kinda vague...I knew what I was thinking, but didn't spell it out in quite as much detail. LOL um, I better watch what I say or I'll get in trouble here... Maybe little things like meet eyes with him, and maybe hold it for a couple seconds every now and then(just don't be creepy and stare at him for hours. ), smile when you meet him, make it a point to say "Hi," ask him how he's doing, show some interest in his hobbies/work/whatever he does(don't fake it either, we can smell that a mile away), compliment him on a job well done if he does something well, etc. Just do what feels right. As a side note, I'm not sure if most guys are like this or not, but I'm personally very aware of a girl's body language. I do landscaping at a college campus, and I can spot a girl on the sidewalk 100 yards away walking toward me, and pretty well instantly tell if she's gonna say hi or look up, or smile when she walks past. How you act can make a huge difference IMO.
As far as the "don't put yourself out there for him and make yourself easy to get..." I know, it sounds pretty contradictory. What I was trying to say is don't just be li'l miss agreeable with everything, everything he does is awesome, you did a great job even if he really sucked, he's always sooo right, and if he ever shows any interest, jumping all over it and even fudging on some of your prior standards/values just to get him, etc. To me at least, that's a total turnoff. There is no need anymore to prove that he is a good man, and that he would make you a good husband if it ever came to that, no chance to "win you over," to be your knight in shining armor, nothing to fight for, etc. Playing hard to get is another thing that'll throw a guy for a loop too. Somewhere in between is good. Clear as mud? I thought so. LOL Sorry, I'm not very good at explaining my thoughts. |
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**Jes :-)
Posts:134
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| 03/14/2010 1:43 PM |
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you seem to be very good at expressing your opinion! not to many men do that or unless i just don't realize it! but it kinda helps me out the way you said it. there's a guy that i have liked for...well years! and i have always tried to kinda hide it and i pry still do. my sis says i hide it to much! but i suppose i'm afraid of making a fool of myself! especially since this guy is in my group of friends and we see each other so often! go to the same church, i'm good friends with his sisters. i have had other people say hey you two should get together...next the pastor asks me if i have a boyfriend, then he said that he thought this one guy was a really nice guy(which was the guy i liked), my goodness did he ever nail me right there! there for a few minutes i did not no what to say!! i often wonder if it is really in the God's plan, since it seems like it should all work out and especially that the pastor thought that! i was so amazed that he actually picked us two out and thought that we should be together, since our congregation is SOO BIG!! |
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**Jes :-)
Posts:134
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| 03/14/2010 1:49 PM |
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As a side note, I'm not sure if most guys are like this or not, but I'm personally very aware of a girl's body language. I do landscaping at a college campus, and I can spot a girl on the sidewalk 100 yards away walking toward me, and pretty well instantly tell if she's gonna say hi or look up, or smile when she walks past. How you act can make a huge difference IMO.
WOW!! i didn't no guys were able to read a girls mind!!like that, that you can actually no if that girl will say something! stupid question....how do you no?;-P
i'm just thinking if i have ever prove something by the way body language.
by the way no you didn't miscommunicate on your other answer! i'm usually someone who picks things apart and i read to much on between the lines. i have an imagination...sometimes not good!
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Grant I.
Posts:141
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| 03/14/2010 4:43 PM |
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It doesn't work ALL the time of course, but I can usually tell just by the way they're walking/looking/facial expression. Then there's those that look like they're NOT interested in talking to anyone, or whatever, then as they're walking by, I holler "Hi, how you doin'?", and they instantly light up get a huge smile on their face(fake or not), and greet you. Then there's those that just give you the goat stare like I'm a very abnormal leaf on the bush I'm pruning. Yeah, I hate that.
Haha your story sounds interesting! Your pastor cracks me up! Maybe he's waiting to see if you show any signs of liking him before he makes his move. It could be, too, that there's something else in his life that he's waiting on to start dating too. Don't be too afraid of letting it show, just think about what you do before you do it, and pray a lot about the situation! Have you seen anything that makes you think he likes you, too? |
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**Jes :-)
Posts:134
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| 03/14/2010 9:41 PM |
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you sound very observant!!
ha ha!! it might sound funny but i'm telling you he sure caught me off guard!! oh my goodness!! thinking back if he observed it that the 2 of us should be together then i betcha he pry seen how i felt! i hope not!!
well i don't no if that is the case of him waiting for that! i suppose i'm to afraid to show it in case it doesn't turn out!!;-P but maybe i'm to afraid. but believe me i've prayed about that! but i think since i'm so afraid to show it, it also doesn't give me the idea of if he shows signs of it or not. he used to seem to get a thrill of teasing me, or say something and then after i believed it he'd turn around and say it wasn't true!;-P i guess the biggest thing that i felt was when the pastor said that. and since i have felt for this guy for so long!! and others have said it too! |
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clare
Posts:634
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| 03/14/2010 10:54 PM |
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I know what you mean Jes!! There's this guy I've known my whole life. I know at some point he really liked me but he got over it and I never had much of a thing for him! Now, years later, I really don't know what to think of him. And out of the blue two people who I rarely see both asked me what I think of this guy! Like wow, ok..the one person was my really good friend and the other an older man from our old church. So now I'm really like um what?
you are probably the odd leaf on the bush Grant, glad expressions are read so clear. guys are the same way. I can usually pick up what their next move will be. mushy very agreeable girls get on my nerves. can't imagine what it would be like for a guy. I don't think there's much danger in me ever being too nice
How do you define "playing hard to get?" I know there's a point when that gets too far and the guy gives up, how much is enough? |
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sometimes He says yes. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes He says wait awhile....
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Grant I.
Posts:141
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| 03/14/2010 11:45 PM |
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Haha He prolly got a chuckle out of it! Don't feel bad! Teasing is a good sign! Just be cool, and friendly to him! Loosen up, and have fun! What do his sisters think about you two getting together? Do they know?
Thanks alot, Clare! LOL Hmmm...I'm not exactly sure...You've gotta have a little bit to keep him coming back for more, and have the "thrill of the chase." I know of some girls that get such a great kick out of it that they keep testing a guy way beyond what they should. Bait him, run away, bait him some more, run away, see if he'll keep chasing her, but after a while of her antics, he decides that she don't wanna be caught and moves on to find another one that he can catch up to! Then, "hard to get girl" shuffles home whimpering because he lost the trail, and that he didn't really love her boohoohoo. We love a challenge, but there comes a point where it looks like she's a trained marathon runner, and he's a truck driver, and it just ain't happening!
How much is enough? That's a variable dependent on the guy. Make him work a little bit, and come after you, and try to win you over. Make him talk to your dad, keep him in a bit of suspense, don't just tell him everything about you right up front. Get him to ask you questions about yourself, your life, your family, etc. Make him study you, and plan his next move to win your heart. Cooperate with him, don't just tease him endlessly, but make him pursue you, and figure out who you really are, and fall in love with you. You're worth a good chase. If a guy isn't willing to chase you at least a little, he doesn't like you THAT well. But, there aren't many girls that are worth an all out completely chaotic wild goose chase that drags on forever to most guys either. LOL |
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