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Christina
Posts:90
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| 07/28/2009 11:00 AM |
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I am a sophmore at Friends University. I have just recently realized after a horible first semester that I am supposed to be a religion and philosophy major. And will become a youth pastor's wife.
I just wanted to give a little background of myself before I got to my confusion.
On to my confusion.
In my Basic Christian Beliefs class last semester the prof. had us write our personal faith journey in an essay. We got 40 points of extra credit if we presented it in front of the class. This guy... we'll call him Bill was the first one to present it in front of the class. I was amazed at his courage, of not only being the first to present but also talking about everything that he had been through. But you could also tell that he had this amazing passion for God. He had this aura almost around him, where you just wanted to be around him to get what he has. I emailed him a few days after commending him onhis bravery of speaking in front of the class. He replied back and we continued to talk for a while. He convinved me to present my personaly faith journey in front of the class also. Which opened this huge door for me. I had always been afraid of speaking in front of people, but this time was different. We continued to talk over email, and he added me on Facebook and we talked over that too.
I had not been able to make it to the campus's Sunday Night service yet, but had invited a friend to go that Sunday, and he invited me to go.
So I should let you know I have this issue, where even though I may seem a bit outgoing over the internet, I am actually very shy in person. So when he came up to me after service was over. It was one of the most awkward conversations EVER!
We continued to talk over email, I invited him to a small group my church has for college students. He told me he was leaving for the summer in a week and was super busy until he left. I totally understood and said, "Well maybe after summer." He agreed. And soon after that completely stopped talking to me. I sent him an email in May telling him about my summer so far and asking about how his was and I got an email back that was 2 lines long. I replied to that. And have yet to get anything back. I'll be totally honest and say that that hurt. I wasn't looking for anything more than friendship and I felt like I was blown off.
It is now coming up on the new semester, I've checked the roosters for my classes and he is in one of them. I'm not sure what to do. Or why this even happened.
So basically what I am asking is for someone to give some insight as to why this happened. If there is any. I'm just... Cunfused.  |
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Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
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David
Posts:499
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| 07/28/2009 11:54 AM |
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There is no way to tell exactly what happened as I can't talk to him, but I can give you some thoughts.
It is possible that your shyness in person made him think you didn't really like him (whether as a friend or more). Guys don't expect nearly as much from girls in the way of how you act as girls do from guys, but one thing that most of us really need is simply a girl who is nice and seems interested in talking to us. The problem is that if you are shy this will be very hard for you. Unfortunately, often that shyness will be interpreted as you not liking him, especially if you had previously been very friendly with him online. He may have thought you took one look at him and not liked what you saw. If this is the case, he may have drawn away from you because he may have been attracted to you beforehand, but then thought there was no chance of anything happening, and he wanted to protect his emotions.
Another possibility is maybe he wasn't interested but he thought you were, and he didn't want to hurt you by leading you on.
Another possibility is that he really did just get very busy and doesn't realize how he comes across.
I would recommend talking to him in your class. However, you must do this in a very casual manner. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Christina
Posts:90
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| 07/28/2009 2:56 PM |
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Thanks so much for your advice.
And as for my shyness. I have been working very hard since that whole incident to become more outgoing. While I am no where near outgoing at all. I have noticed I can have conversations with people I dont know much more easily now. And it doesn't get horribly awkward  .
But now all I can do is trust that God will direct me to what is the correct ... for lack of better word, course of action. I have decided that I will trust God to bring the right friends and ultimately the right guy to me, and not look all over for them. If I let him then there is now issue of making the wrong decision.
Now I just have to do it, saying it is so much easier than actually doing it.
Thanks again so much for the advice. It's good to know there are decent guys out there still. 
P.S. I will willingly take anymore advice you are willingly to give me. Pertaining to this exact subject or not.  |
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Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 07/28/2009 4:55 PM |
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Wait, Friends University in Kansas? I used to drive past the university once a week, and I still live in the area.
Like David said, he might've gotten really busy. Or perhaps he planned to email you back, forgot, then later couldn't remember if he had or not. From the way you write things I don't think he was trying to be rude, but I cannae read minds. If you two begin talking again, you might try to gently ask him if he simply forgot about your email. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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David
Posts:499
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| 07/28/2009 5:15 PM |
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| Christina, there was a time in my life when I could not physically make myself talk to someone I didn't know. I was so incredibly introverted as to be nearly non-functioning. While there might be other, better ways to get around an obstacle like that, what did it for me was moving a lot. When you move a lot it forces you to start talking to new people and to learn how to initiate. Part of this is just pure force of will - making yourself do it. Over time, it will get easier. While something as drastic as moving may not be possible or desirable, putting yourself into new social situations can cause you to become more outgoing. Now, I go up to random people all the time and carry on great conversations. I guess my point is being outgoing can and will become easier for you, if you work at it. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Christina
Posts:90
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| 07/28/2009 10:07 PM |
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| That is exactly what I have been doing. Don't get me wrong I've made it leaps and bounds past were I was about 4 years ago. I moved from Florida to Kansas. I have been homeschooled since the fourth grade. So to be able to have almost any kind of decent conversation with someone my age that I haven't known for more than 4 months is absolutely amazing!
I started going to cornerstone, the Campus's Sunday night service, where I only really knew my friend that went with me (I brought her along because she is starting at Friends this coming year). I also work as an office assistant at Friends University where I am talking to people I don't know everyday. So I can honestly say I come a long way but still have so far to go.
One thing that has settled in the back of my head that I hope isn't true but scares me none the less is whether he stopped talking to me after I gave my personal faith journey presentation. When I presented it I left no stones unturned about what I've gone through in my life. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes when i was 17 and the Lymphacytic Colitis last summer. Both are life long chronic medical conditions. And I wonder whether that is the reason the he stopped talking to me because he didn't want ot have to deal with that. I know I know I'm probably just being a girl and over analyzing the situation but I don't know.
And yes I do go to Friends University in Kansas. Tis a small small world we live in. |
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Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 08/01/2009 7:16 PM |
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Christina, if he really has a serious passion for God and what God's about (love), the way you described this guy, your presentation wouldn't have scared him off.
By the way, I commend you for doing that!!! I love public speaking, but that would be a hard topic for me, so good for you!!!
And I think I know what you mean about talking to people you don't know- it's like talking to people online; there is less vulnerability. Again, good for you for making the effort to move past that shyness!!!
I also couldn't really say what's up with this guy not emailing you back, other than the reasons the guys said. I think if I was in that situation, and I really still wanted to be friends with the guy, I'd definitely talk to him if I saw him. Before I was within conversation distance I would yell "Hey [name]!!!" and then I'd say teasingly "You didn't email me!!!!" and by then I'd be within hearing distance, so I'd ask normally, "What have you been up to??" Because I really would want to know why he didn't email, but I wouldn't want to actually accuse him or anything. (Guys, would my little "conversation" be annoying?)
I agree that it's harder to say that I'll wait on God than actually waiting!!!! (Have you heard the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller, from the movie Fireproof?) That (not falling for someone I know is the wrong person) was something that I really had to confront face to face today, and it hurt. And it makes me wonder if I'd be willing to recreational date, if this guy asked me to go out but I was pretty sure that I wouldn't marry him. I'm not entirely sure right now. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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Scifi
Posts:68
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| 08/02/2009 5:58 PM |
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I have a suggestion for you.... Hint at him to read For Young Men Only or For Men only.
 
I have read both and they were both really amazing eye openers.
Also you could read For Young Women Only and/or For Women Only If you haven't already.
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"The purpose of Christianity is not to avoid difficulty, but to produce a character adequate to meet it when it comes. It does not make life easy; rather it tries to make us great enough for life." -- James L. Christensen
"For a small reward, a man will hurry away on a long journey; while for eternal life, many will hardly take a single step." Thomas a' Kempis (1380-1471)
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Scifi |
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Scifi
Posts:68
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| 08/02/2009 5:58 PM |
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I have a suggestion for you.... Hint at him to read For Young Men Only or For Men only.
I have read both and they were both really amazing eye openers.
Also you could read For Young Women Only and/or For Women Only If you haven't already.
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"The purpose of Christianity is not to avoid difficulty, but to produce a character adequate to meet it when it comes. It does not make life easy; rather it tries to make us great enough for life." -- James L. Christensen
"For a small reward, a man will hurry away on a long journey; while for eternal life, many will hardly take a single step." Thomas a' Kempis (1380-1471)
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Scifi |
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Scifi
Posts:68
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| 08/02/2009 5:58 PM |
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| Oops posted that twice soz |
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"The purpose of Christianity is not to avoid difficulty, but to produce a character adequate to meet it when it comes. It does not make life easy; rather it tries to make us great enough for life." -- James L. Christensen
"For a small reward, a man will hurry away on a long journey; while for eternal life, many will hardly take a single step." Thomas a' Kempis (1380-1471)
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Scifi |
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Christina
Posts:90
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| 08/04/2009 2:28 PM |
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| I've read and own FYWO and looked through FYMO but didnt have the money to get it at the time :p |
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Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
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Christina
Posts:90
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| 08/10/2009 1:57 PM |
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I thought I'd give a bit of an update so to speak on this situation.
School is starting next week and our school has a week of welcome. There is an event each week and one of them is a concert. The college has a FB page and they invited all of the people who are friends to the concert. I was bored one night and was looking at the people who responded were going and the people who responded were maybe going. And I saw that he as a fb page again. Needless to say that hurt.
I went to bed put on my worship music and cried.
The day before that he came in and picked up his key for his apt. which led to and awkward hi how are you how was your summer converstion.
But after my whole moment, and breakdown, I'm done putting any energy into something that he doesn't care about.
So there's my update. |
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Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
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Scifi
Posts:68
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| 08/11/2009 6:13 PM |
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Perhaps you should tell him how you feel?
As a guy, I know from experience we often don't notice when girls are trying to get us to do something/tell us something by hinting at it....
Guys, by nature, frequently miss most hints girls throw at them. |
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"The purpose of Christianity is not to avoid difficulty, but to produce a character adequate to meet it when it comes. It does not make life easy; rather it tries to make us great enough for life." -- James L. Christensen
"For a small reward, a man will hurry away on a long journey; while for eternal life, many will hardly take a single step." Thomas a' Kempis (1380-1471)
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Scifi |
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David
Posts:499
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| 08/11/2009 9:57 PM |
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Guys, by nature, frequently miss most hints girls throw at them.
It must be noted that this is not due to a natural "thickness" or "dullness" in being male, but more that the communication styles of each gender is different. Ergo, what a girl intends to be a hint does not appear as such. If a girl really wants to throw hints then she has to throw them in male language. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 08/11/2009 11:30 PM |
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| So David? how DO girl's throw hints in the male language? |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
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God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Scifi
Posts:68
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| 08/12/2009 3:01 AM |
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| Maybe tell them in an obvious way?? |
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"The purpose of Christianity is not to avoid difficulty, but to produce a character adequate to meet it when it comes. It does not make life easy; rather it tries to make us great enough for life." -- James L. Christensen
"For a small reward, a man will hurry away on a long journey; while for eternal life, many will hardly take a single step." Thomas a' Kempis (1380-1471)
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Scifi |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 08/12/2009 3:17 AM |
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But what IS the obvious way? cuz whats OBVIOUS as to a girl isn't OBVIOUS as to a guy 
like if a girl saw another girl do *insert hint here* she'd be like "OMGosh she likes him" and a guy would be like "Oh... Hi..." and totally not get it...
and I thought guys wanted to be the pursuers... so really, the girl shouldn't make it THAT obvious, relating to letting the guy know she likes him without him saying something first... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 08/12/2009 3:10 PM |
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| I don't know about David, but it's obvious to me that a girl likes me when she shows a great deal of interest in my life, what I'm doing, where I'm going; when she encourages me and prays for me; when she smiles at me and greets me with enthusiasm; when she wants to hang out with me. Some girls do one or two of those things, but most don't do all. (disclosure: I took this from how the last girl who was interested in me behaved and acted around me) |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 08/12/2009 9:54 PM |
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actually Locke... that's exactly what I do when I like a guy maybe not all at the same time, but i do do all of those things
but mostly the guy's I have liked haven't picked up on any of it... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Scifi
Posts:68
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| 08/14/2009 12:17 AM |
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| Thanks for explaining what I meant, Locke, as that is exactly what I was thinking....
Jojo, if they don't pick up on it, I honestly don't know whats up with them... If you do all those things for me you would have snagged me haha... I imagine it's the same for most guys... |
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"The purpose of Christianity is not to avoid difficulty, but to produce a character adequate to meet it when it comes. It does not make life easy; rather it tries to make us great enough for life." -- James L. Christensen
"For a small reward, a man will hurry away on a long journey; while for eternal life, many will hardly take a single step." Thomas a' Kempis (1380-1471)
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Scifi |
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