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David
Posts:499
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| 06/08/2009 7:43 PM |
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I was finally able to purchase and read For Young Women Only. It was interesting.
Basically, y'all are crazy.
Kidding! Only kidding. But it was quite interesting. As a guy I appreciated the sections on respect and attraction. If all you girls who have read the book actually apply it, you'll be in high demand. The only thing that sort of irked me was during the last section I got the impression that the book was giving the impression that all guys care about is sex. This is of course not true at all, but I may have been reading too much into it. Anyways, if you want a male's perspective on the female book, ask me anything. Or don't. You could just let this amazing post and opportunity slide away into oblivion (and that would be sad, so ask something already). |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/09/2009 6:24 AM |
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LOl well o.k. state away 
I just went to the hospital that does all my cleft stuff today for a checkup... and i went to the christian bookshop there, and I found a FYMO... I have been looking for one for my bro for ages... So when he's done, i'll read it and do the same 
Um o.k. you know how it said something about fixing problems when you should just listen? What did you think of that...? |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 06/09/2009 11:35 AM |
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yeahh, I agree with Jojo! same question.
and yes, David, I've definitely been trying SO hard to apply the "respect" issue to my guy friendships. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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David
Posts:499
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| 06/09/2009 4:44 PM |
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The issue of guys wanting to fix problems when we should just listen is something I was actually aware of previously, but it is still an important thing to keep mentioning. We guys are natural problem solvers, and our instinct is when you come to us with a problem we want to fix it. Not only is this our instinct with all problems we experience, but when it's a girl we care about we want her world to be perfect, we don't want her to have to experience anything bad, and it's out of our natural protective nature that we want to try and fix whatever it is that is wrong. Now, girls are different; this is not their default position. They come to us often just wanting us to listen, and that is valid as well. So while I would say to guys that most often she just wants you to listen and be supportive and not to try and fix things, I would say to girls that y'all should realize how valuable and wonderful his "fix it" nature really is. His trying to do that comes out of a deep place of love for you. Essentially, both genders need to understand the other better.
The "respect issue," as you say, is going to be a real tough one for girls. It's not that girls don't respect the guys they know, etc., it's that girls don't naturally know how to express that respect in a way that actually lets the guy know that she respects him. To paraphrase Eggerichs in his book, women naturally show love, not respect, and men naturally show respect, not love. It's not that we don't feel those things, we just don't naturally know how to express them. This is why God commands women to respect their husbands, and for men to love their wives, and not vice versa or even both for both. Those aren't our default positions. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/09/2009 7:39 PM |
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Exactly... LOL
Im one of those girls that, yes, does mostly want the guy to listen... but sometimes I also want his sugggestions... cuz mostly Im confused and need someone to help me figure out what to do...
I suppose the way you can tell is if they ask for advice... but if they're just venting and not asking non-rhetorical questions... then just listen...
Respect... thats sorta easy for me, but sorta hard too, cuz I have my dad and brother who I tell everything to... we have a pretty good relationship... it's awesome!! but anyway... I naturally show my dad and bro respect, but then again... If i'm in a mood... I can easily snap, and then I accidently might disrespect them unintentionally... (I've gotten better at it since i read the book...) |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 06/09/2009 8:31 PM |
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| I have a question for you ladies about some of the stuff in FYMO. As I was reading, the book was trying to emphasize the importance of us guys listening to you girls. Over and over quotes were given from girls who said things like, "I hate it when all a guy does is talk about himself. I want him to listen to me." My question is this: is that not the same thing? I kept getting the impression that girls didn't want guys to spend the whole time talking about themselves, but that they, the girls, wanted to spend the whole time talking about themselves. To me it seems that each should be able to talk about themselves and listen to the other do the same, for how else can two people get to know each other? It was just something that bugged me a little. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/09/2009 8:50 PM |
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No thats right David.
I'm not sure which girls said that... I can see where they're coming from, but in order to get to know someone, they need to tell you about themselves...
I think they were meaning about the guys who ONLY talk about themselves... you know, The egomaniac ones who think they're God's gift to women...
But yeah. I sometimes wish some of the guys i was interested in would tell me more about themselves... And it seems like i do most of the talking... (Im not trying to... but if I dont think of something to talk about, we have long akward silences...) Also how do we talk if we dont talk about ourselves a little?? and explaining stuff to people, if you use yourself as an example, they say "All you talk about is you..." and idk, how do you NOT do that?
Just wondering |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Adelynn
Posts:189
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| 06/09/2009 9:21 PM |
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| If you're having a bad day, and you start talking to someone about it and just sort of venting, do you want them to start talking about how they know exactly what you are going through, they've been through the same thing, it's hard, let me tell you about it so that you can stop feeling bad about your day? Maybe guys do, I wouldn't know, but most people I know just want to be heard, not listen to me tell my story, as well. |
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"... I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy..." Acts 2.17
What If His People Prayed? |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/10/2009 11:56 PM |
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O.K. I have just read up to chapter 7 of FYMO
I realized one thing... I'll state what it was afterwards, but I want your oppinions first
O.K.
You know my previous topic about guy #1 and guy #2...
And how #2 forgot about me performing in his town and went to a bday party?
Well I had also forgotten that the time I went to see his car... He was with his boys and I txtd him and he said "Oh Im @ *inserty friends name here*'s house... I wasn't sure if it was today or when... give me 2 hrs and i'll be back home, you can come by then... "
He basically dropped his boys to come home early to see me. and I had gotten angry that he went to a friends party (well not mainly for that, but mainly cuz he forgot i was in town )
What do you guys/girls think... Was I just over reacting? Or what?? after a reply or two i'll state my "revelation moment" |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 06/11/2009 3:36 PM |
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Adelynn, you may have accurately described the female perception that process. The male perception of that process is something like this. "Oh no, she's hurt/sad/crying/feeling down. I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE. But I can't do that until later, how do I make her feel better now? I just want her to feel better. I can't bear to see her in pain. I wish I could take the pain onto myself so she doesn't have to have it."
Aside from our natural fix it nature (which, let's face it, is downright useful; without it, things wouldn't get fixed nearly as often), we want to fix things so badly because we can't stand to see you in pain/sad/etc., and we think if we can fix it then you won't be in pain/sad/etc. anymore.
Both genders need to work towards realizing what the other gender is really trying to do or is really needing. Happiness is down that path.
Jojo, yes and no. Yes, he did forget you were coming into town, but as soon as he remembered he was willing to drop what he was doing to come see you. However, you have a right to feel sad or upset that he forgot. Basically, if you judge his intentions as innocent and you can find it in you to forgive him his forgetfulness, then I'd say you should be ok with him. We all do make mistakes. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/11/2009 7:18 PM |
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LOL yeah, that's what I was thinking...
LOL. I figured out, because I was upset, I had completely forgotten that the previous time he'd dropped everything for me...
So... I was being actually quite unreasonable, in my oppinion... cuz it was only once that he'd forgotten we had plans...
and... i realized that when he had said he had a party to go to (which he later told me about, and... it actually sounded alot more fun than what I was doing... if I had the option, i woulda gone too )
I had said "It's o.k. (first sign something wasnt o.k. ) Go to ur party... have fun... (second sign something wasnt o.k.)" haha and I only realized that once I read FYMO (which I have now finished...) and... he still doesn't realize something was wrong
but yeah... back to topic...
Do the guys have anything they wanna ask about FYMO? |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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David
Posts:499
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| 06/11/2009 8:11 PM |
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Yeah, you girls are quite good at saying the exact opposite of what you are really feeling and expecting us to read your mind. Haha.
Hm... How did you feel reading it? Anything that you strongly agreed with or disagreed with? Did the book get "it" right? |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/12/2009 2:55 AM |
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I think the book got it like pretty much right.
but the only thing I was a little different on was the fact that sometimes i do want a guy to help me figure something out, even if it's just a discussion and nothing comes of it... just to know his oppinion...
And just so you know... Im really bad at saying the opposite of what I mean... cuz well, #1 i dont wanna hurt the guy, #2 i dont wanna get hurt more myself and #3 I dont like being mean... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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James
Posts:35
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| 06/12/2009 7:09 AM |
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Yeah I was wondering about that,
If girls so often say virtually the opposite of what they feel (I do it occasionally too) how is the best way to find out.
Sometimes it's easy to know when you are doing it but we won't know how long we should try to get an answer out of you. We don't want to make it worse by making a big deal out of it if you don't want to talk but we don't want to miss the subtle clues either.
Other times it's harder to know if you are doing it and there doesn't seem to be much point asking more than once so it's easier to miss.
I'm not quite so senseless to not know the difference between a 'NO' and a 'n-no...' but it would be good to be able to be some use rather than just showing I care. |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 06/12/2009 11:02 AM |
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| I find that often, during cooler weather, girls will complain about the temperature and then if you ask them if they would like to borrow a jacket, and they say no. So I usually get them one anyhow, and I've never met one that didn't actually want one, but it drives me up a wall that they all say no. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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Adelynn
Posts:189
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| 06/12/2009 11:38 AM |
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Because we are modern, capable, independent women who can take care of ourselves, plus it was our own stupidity that made us not grab a jacket =] And if you took off yours, I would be too guilty to wear it unless I was absolutely freezing.
I've noticed that guys don't seem to get when gals are just saying that it's okay =] I guess us gurlz should be more truthful about when something bothers us, maybe? I always feel like guys think I'm making a big deal out of nothing when I do, though, even if I don't even think it was a big deal, it just bothered or annoyed me. And I'm not one to over-react, haha |
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"... I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy..." Acts 2.17
What If His People Prayed? |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 06/12/2009 12:45 PM |
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I understand that, but stupidity doesn't mean you have to freeze. And I usually have a couple of extra jackets that I keep in my car (not solely to hand out to cold people, I just keep them there in case the jacket I'm wearing is too warm/too cold for the current weather).
That would be nice, but on the other hand guys could pay more attention to what a girl actually means. Not that that's a particularly easy task, but one definitely worth doing. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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David
Posts:499
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| 06/12/2009 3:32 PM |
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I'm mostly on the side of girls need to communicate more clearly. Each gender has a great deal of individual strengths and weaknesses, and both are different for the different genders. When it comes to this specific arena, if you are with a (I'm going to borrow a term) good-willed guy, then what he wants deep down is to really hear what you are saying and react accordingly. However, one of those weaknesses I mentioned for girls is a propensity to communicate the opposite of what they mean, or at least something completely different, assuming the guy should "just know what I'm thinking." I classify this as a gender weakness because enough women do it to warrant that title. Now, guys aren't perfect here either. We have a tendency to stonewall, but that's a different topic. This leads me to the conclusion that, in the circumstance of something being wrong in the girls life and the communication of this to the guy getting messed up, it is the girl that needs to improve what she is doing much more than the guy.
This is actually a problem I had with FYMO (a slight one) - the idea that guys should have to start reading between the lines and correctly interpreting messages that would otherwise mean something completely different, instead of girls having to work on communicating more clearly. I forget, does FYWO ever address this?
To conclude, my basic point is this: girls, chances are you really do need to work on communicating more clearly. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 06/12/2009 6:06 PM |
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My friend gets so frustrated with me because I tell him I want to talk but when we're together I can't. I'm horrible at communicating thoughts unless I'm writing. I'm learning I've got to communicate if this is going to work out. But sometimes I do wish guys could fix girl's problems a little more
Someone mentioned the respect issue. For me that is easy, in fact alot of guys are attracted to me because its just my nature to trust and respect everyone. That is a bother! My friend recently confessed he had done porn up until a few months ago. He's fighting hard and is so ashamed of himself. I suspected he had and I was prepared to hear it. I forgave him and I still trust and respect him immensely. He needs someone to believe in him and give him the confidence to win the battle. Was I too forgiving? that's a serious sin and we are praying about dating. Should I have made more of an issue out of it? knowing he's prone to those thoughts makes me very careful what I wear around him. David, you mentioned that in the last chapter of FYWO that the men and sex issue was over played. I thought it was too, but now I'm not so sure. There are all kinds of people. You are blessed to not have those thoughts!! |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 06/12/2009 9:31 PM |
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| Yes, I really believe girls should learn to communicate more clearly to each other, especially their male counterparts. Nowadays, the thing that causes problems in most relationships is the lack of communication between people. Because people just 'assume' that he/she was going to do something or wanted time alone... etc. Girls could learn to communicate more effectively; and as far as reading between the lines I completely empathize with the issue. Girls can read what someone is NOT saying in a conversation, and can effectively pick up hints; we also tend to read more into certain things than our male counterparts. I can understand how annoying it is for guys when girls say the opposite of what they are really thinking. I mean really, if you're hungry, just say it! But i know that sometimes, we tend to say the opposite just because we're thinking of what you might think or because we already asked you and what you answered is totally opposite from what my answer was. If we start to complain and have a pity party because we didn't get what we really wanted, then really, you could have just said so in the first place! *exasperating sigh* I think it's really sweet that the guys have this protective nature in them to want to initially protect and take away the girl's problem(s). I love that i a guy and I think it's one the best things about a guy. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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