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Tman
Posts:15
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| 02/22/2009 8:12 PM |
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Hi y'all.
I've recently been hanging a lot (over the summer break) with this girl
who has come to NZ on a working holiday. We've hung out in a group
setting most of the time, but also a lot just the two of us, and we
were txting like everyday. It wasn't
until I began to like her that I found out she has a bf in her
hometown. But she had never mentioned it to me. So I said we should
meet up to have a chat. We met and I said that we've been hanging out a
lot and that I felt we had become more than just friends. She felt the
same, we came to the conclusion that we should'nt hang just us 2 or txt
alot cause she still wanted to make things work with her hometown bf.
The only problem is that she is in the group of friends that I hang out
with the most. And whenever we hang in the group I find it really hard
cause we both still like each other. What should I do? |
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kosanchez777
Posts:11
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| 02/22/2009 8:22 PM |
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| I have nothing 2 say but u have 2 do what u have 2 do |
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its hell trying 2 get into heaven |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 02/22/2009 10:08 PM |
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I was in a very similar situation late 2007. Met this amazing girl, we texted all the time and really hit it off, and one day she invites me to go bowling with her and her boyfriend. She didn't talk about him much (maybe 3 times in the four months we spent together) but I still felt bad about it.
IMO the best thing you could do is spend as little time with her directly as possible. It's unavoidable that you'll run into her, based on your writing, but some things we just have to bear. I don't know if you're a Christian, but if you are, it wouldn't hurt to pray and ask God for the strength to bear this burden and see what you can learn from it. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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Tman
Posts:15
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| 02/23/2009 5:11 AM |
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Hey Locke, Thanks heaps for your reply man! Yeah I think that by minimising the time we spend together, it will definitely help the situation. However, when I explain the way that I feel, she asks if we can still be friends? And how much can we hang? But I find it so hard being 'just friends' when I have feelings for her. I'd rather just cut our relationship fast and not have this issue constantly recurring. I mean I'd like to still be friends but I'm not sure if that would really work out.
Yeah I am a christian, and I have been praying and asking God for peace about the right thing to do. And I guess that I will find an answer eventually. What ended up happening in your situation?
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MyLifeHisWill
Posts:184
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| 02/23/2009 6:59 AM |
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| Hey! I've been in your situation. My current boyfriend was actually going out with another girl for about a year of our friendship. She moved to another state and we became really close, but it hurt alot whenever she came to visit cuz i realized we were still "just friends." My current boyfriend broke up with her over the summer about a month after her visit and two months later he admitted to me that he liked me back. It was a hard road to be just friends when you love someone as much as I loved him, but after all the ups and downs we went thru, we now have an AMAZING, God-centered, pure, relationship. I'm not saying that you two are destined for eachother...and you have to be careful! Don't try to pull her and her boyfriend apart! I never got between him and his girl, I always encouraged them and tried to help them thru any rough times, even tho my heart wanted her to dissapear. So don't pull her away from her boyfriend, and guard your heart....but hey who knows...she mite realize that she and her hometown boy have two different lives and shes really falling in love with the new kid in her life! |
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I don't want to just "live" I want to experience life. |
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Locke
Posts:223
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| 02/23/2009 12:47 PM |
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I think having a good friendship is preferable to no relationship of any kind, but when those emotions well up it can be very difficult to feel like that. After the girl above in question and I stopped seeing each other it was very difficult to surrender those feelings I had for her to God... but I had to do it. For me, anything else would have been unhealthy and negatively impacted the rest of my life.
As for what ended up happening? We don't talk anymore, except for the rare text message. That's unrelated, though. |
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It is trifles that make the sum of life. |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 02/23/2009 12:53 PM |
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yeah, i would strongly recommend cutting off the relationship entirely if you're very emotionally attached.
it took me probably twice as long as it should've to get over my ex (we broke up over 7 months ago now, and we only dated 3 months) because i had to see him at least twice a week, since we attend the same church/youth group. it was really tough, because we have the same social circle and my church is only like, 200 people (at the 10am service) and the youth group averages probably 30.
so again, either cut it off or REALLY buckle down and exert major self-control.
:] |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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JoJo
Posts:1657
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| 02/23/2009 2:52 PM |
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Yes, it is hard!!!
I've just gone through something similar... i won't go into detail lol, but this guy showed interest in me and then dropped the "I Have a GF" bomb on me... I was so hurt, but tried not to show it, and like MyMyLifeHisWill said, I just wanted her to disapear... which is sad, but I never discouraged their relationship and tried my best to be supportive etc... long story short, they broke up, but I felt terrible, cuz I felt like it was my fault, and now, it's a little hard to try to be good friends, instead of something more (Cuz I don't think a relationship is appropriate at this time...) but yeah... Id suggest, just be a freind to her, nothing more, cuz even if she did break up with him for her, goingout with her so soon,is just sad to the current bf and it makes things a little complicated...
but yeah, If you're a Christian, pray about it, otherwise try to use your best judgement!!
hopeI helped  |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Adelynn
Posts:189
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| 02/23/2009 4:35 PM |
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| ugh I guess this is universal.... I totally dropped the guy (facebook, cell, address, no more of his soccer games... ), but I was making an effort to see him, and I don't even see our mutual friends much, so that was easy ;-] I had to really take him out of my life, though; every time I saw his little picture on fb I was like oohhuuhhhggggooohhh!!! It was really bad, because it was my friend, him and me in the picture =P I actually felt so relieved after I deleted it all. I don't know if that would be so easy for you, since you guys hang out with the same people, though |
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"... I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy..." Acts 2.17
What If His People Prayed? |
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artyprincess
Posts:224
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| 02/24/2009 12:17 AM |
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Tricky situation. Just whatever you do about, think about how it will affect the other guy in her life. If you were her bf, and another guy she'd just met was fast becoming good friends with her..... you'd be pretty jealous, right!?
Try to limit contact with her, but be polite about it.
Hope you can sort it out! |
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God Can. |
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Tman
Posts:15
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| 02/24/2009 5:58 PM |
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Hey, well thanks for all of your feedback! Its really been helpful. I think i'll just trust God and see what happens. Its still a real tricky situation tho!
Cheers team! |
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