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dancingjewel94
Posts:1
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| 05/16/2008 6:44 PM |
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| Why are guys so schizophrenic?...They can be totally mad at you, but when they want something, they are really nice and a total suck-up!...And a guy can say he likes someone else, but I can tell that they really don't like that person!...Why are guys so confusing?? |
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Nikki
Posts:2
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| 05/17/2008 6:55 PM |
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| Guys, just like girls, dont know exactly what they want until they find it. We have the ability to crush them with one sentence, "I dont know whats wrong with you, I am gone." if that sentence crushes them then imagine the tears we give them. THats just how they are. All guys are wired the same, some are just better at controlling themselves |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 06/20/2008 1:19 PM |
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oh myyy. yes, they can be, but so can we!
i can be SO spazzy and my boyfriend is like 'what is your PROBLEM?! what did i do?!' or he just gives me this look and walks away and then i don't know what i did! i know exactly how you feel, honestly. we're all schizophrenic at one point or another, trust me.
but if you've read fywo [if not, PLEASE oh please do so!], we're wired differently than guys. they get mad because we disrespect them for what seems, to us, the oddest reasons. we get mad because they don't act like they like/love us. we're constantly confusing each other.
and that's the beauty of it, though! we're all trying to figure each other out. and honestly, we never fully will. you just have to turn to God, your parents, and christian friends to get through the tough times.
hope this helps!
:] <3 |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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wjr1991
Posts:232
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| 06/25/2008 2:58 PM |
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Nikki, I'd definitely say you over generalized... there's a ton of variation in the wiring of guys- yes, we're fundamentally guys, so we all share some of the same wiring... but there are guys who are wired for sports, others for technology, others for reading (and some apparently for nothing except thinking about girls... but we won't go into them). I think you girls actually have a few sentences that crush us, and silence... but that's not the issue at hand, I don't think...
I think emilyjanelle has it really well- it's pretty much that we're human. (Q: should I read this book? ought I know what they say about us?)
Basically, guys base our worth on our respectability... so if you treat us in a way that we find disrespectful, it nails us pretty deep... the thing is, if a guy is disrespectful to another guy, we know right off, they're either joking with us (which is obvious) or they're essentially upping the ante, and daring us to restore our dignity. And, it can be pretty remote- you can be negative about something he did or made, and in his mind it runs through translators, which come out with some degree of "I don't respect you"... especially if he did it in hopes of making an impression on you (and hence why if you really aren't impressed with a guy's showing off, it deflates him rapidly)
I know the love thing works the same way, but yeah... I don't know exactly how (after all, I'm not a girl).
And yes, yes, yes, exactly! That is the beauty of it! If girls worked like guys, you wouldn't be such a mystery, and not half so intriguing- after all, it's next to impossible for a guy to back out of an unsolved puzzle and retain his self-respect... which means we're not getting out of it. (yes, there are some that are fairly easy to back out of... but the complex infrastructure known as the female mind... no way)
And again, yes, it helps to drive us to God, and get us out of our self-centeredness. It's pretty awesome how God made it work... and beautiful. |
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Most of the nearly two billion children in the developing world have inadequate access to dinosaurs. Some receive no paleontology training at all. One in three has never even seen a dinosaur in person.
OVPC is an organization providing a means to an end - an end that sees children in even the most remote regions of the globe being given the motivation and adrenaline to tap into their own potential, identify with the survival needs of a global dinosaur-driven culture, and to contribute to a paleontological world community.
Support the cause at velociraptorz.org |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 06/27/2008 4:32 AM |
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My question goes to wjr1991. What if a girl said something that she totally didnt mean to sound disrespectful, then realized it could have been taken that way (seeing as the guy wont talk to you...) so she waits say a week to give him time to think, and give herself time to think, and then tells him she is sincerely sorry for what she said and that it could have sounded disrespectful and that she really didnt mean it that way... How would a guy take that, and would he think something was wrong if she did wait a week or so to apologise?? Like I dont know about you girls, but I dont exactly know how to approach the guy when I think i may have offended him. How to apologise in a way that he wont think is weird or clingy. Like some girls say anything to get guys to show them they loe them, so how would we come accross as being genuine in an apology?? and not seem like it's just girls being "emotional"??
Oh and btw, Silence crushes us too! cuz we have no idea what we did wrong! or if we did anything wrong... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Gods_Girl
Posts:17
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| 09/27/2008 8:38 AM |
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I agree. EmilyJanelle has it. 
We are just as complicated as guys can be. They get hurt easily, just like us, but, they don't show it as much as possible, in fear of either being found out or losing respect.
Girls have power, but, we can lose it. We want to be loved, and they want to be respected. More than anything. I find it interesting.
As my dad put it:
God made girls to be sweet companions, and He made the guy to be the protective, macho, leader.
It confuses me, too, a lot of times! You aren't alone. There's a girl out there who hasn't found this site yet, and she is wondering the exact same thing!
I've been left wondering why
"I can't believe you did that!" could hurt a guy so much.
They are really very interesting creatures! LOL!
We are just as complicated as them. The actual answer I leave you with is this:
"God made them that way, and He has the perfect reason."
Hope I Helped!
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Phil 4:4 "Rejoice in the name of the Lord, alway; and again I say rejoice!" |
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Julie Fidler
Posts:172
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| 09/27/2008 5:28 PM |
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William, how does it feel to be the resident male therapist? 
-Julie
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Forum Moderator
Project Specialist for Shaunti Feldhahn |
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JP
Posts:11
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| 09/29/2008 2:15 AM |
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jojo, I'll try answer your question.
You are on the right track when it comes to conflict with a guy - guys need space usually to figure themselves and their feelings out. And Gods_girl hit it right on the head - a lot of it is in the respect vs. love thing. However, I'm going to take the the explanation to the next level.
Within marriage (the basis for understanding relationships) when there is conflict between hubby/wife, the guy tends to pull away and girls starts pestering (I am generalizing for the sake of understanding). This leads to girls beginning to think he doesn't care for her any more and the guy to think that she is disappointed in him - he is a failure. The problem is that they don't understand each other. Most guys need some time to internalize and figure out their feelings before they will talk about it. Use the "cave" analogy - guy doesn't know what's going on, so he retreats from everyone into the "cave" to think things over. While girls talk about their feelings in order to figure them out - which can come across to guys as "why won't she give me a sec to figure this out, why must she badger me constantly". This also leads girls to question if they are desirable and for guys whether they "stand up" to what their girl needs.
I hope I was not being too long-winded; the short answer to your question is be forward and completely honest with guys, don't leave things unsure. As far as apologizing, give it a day, then apologize, and then move on - let it go. The worst thing in a guys mind is uncertainty. It's best to be loved/respected, second to be hated/respected, and worst to be unknown - not to be worth either loving or hating, but especially, not being worth respecting. |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 09/29/2008 7:20 AM |
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Hey yeah! thanks it really helped!
and dont worry, us girls tend to have REALLY LONG reply's, so its normal to read long reply'a. It gives us more information to work and improve on.
another question is...
What if you do, as you've said, but then the guy continues to snob/ignore you (aparently.) but secretly you can tell that he's still thinking about your friendship or whatever but he still wont talk to you, and what if it goes on for, like, forever??
My guy friend isnt talking to me, but keeps checking my facebook, but wont reply etc. but it's only been like a month. Im just wondering, however, how you would handle the situation if it went on for like a year??
Thanks!!
(And sorry for the BAZILLION questions lol ) |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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wjr1991
Posts:232
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| 09/29/2008 11:02 AM |
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Jojo- Sorry I missed that one... Yeah, we do need our space... although if you realize it right away, it's probably good to apologize right then. (And why I ignored that thing about silence I don't know- that would have come in handy a couple times recently in my life, with one of my friends... yeah, I'm definitely human.)
Gods_Girl- It is the "love and respect" thing, totally. Especially if you're significant in our life, knowing of your confidence in us is really important. As someone pointed out, a guy would rather be loved by the few, and respected by the many than loved by the many, and respected by the few. Something like "I can't believe you did that!" pretty much conveys to us that we've just been gutted of our esteem in your eyes... and that can be crippling to us.
Julie- How did I miss that one? It was great when I had the time... :-) It's interesting how many times I get put on the spot in trying to answer questions, realizing that I am in some cases/ways like the guy they're dealing with, and it can be really funny how God appoints some of the questions to show up when that's the case! (afterwards, anyway- it can be pretty aggravating at the moment)
JP- Nice job, well said!
Jojo (#2)- Have a couple buff guy friends show up at his house in tuxedos, driving a black Lincoln, and carrying violin cases... and have them tell him that they have come to make him an offer he cannot refuse. :-) (Yes, just kidding!) Considering that I know from talking to you/being here for a while about who this guy is, if it goes on more than 6 months you might be overdue to just quit worrying about him. (and I think that is probably an overstatement of time... my recommendation is that you get on with your life now (this instant), and let him catch up when he's ready... leave yourself open to that, but don't make your plans around its happening, or you'll be burning time waiting. I know you've got plans for ministry and such... just get something done for God now... you don't want to have to stand before Him and try to explain that you did nothing with that section of time because you were more concerned about a guy than Him... I'm kinda saying this out of my current experience (only reversed- with regard to girls)... a combination of "Do not worry about tomorrow." and "What is it to you? Follow Me." When what really matters is in place, it's much easier to fit other stuff in.) |
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Most of the nearly two billion children in the developing world have inadequate access to dinosaurs. Some receive no paleontology training at all. One in three has never even seen a dinosaur in person.
OVPC is an organization providing a means to an end - an end that sees children in even the most remote regions of the globe being given the motivation and adrenaline to tap into their own potential, identify with the survival needs of a global dinosaur-driven culture, and to contribute to a paleontological world community.
Support the cause at velociraptorz.org |
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Phlooshwaa
Posts:22
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| 09/30/2008 4:15 AM |
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JoJo here again!
yeah. thats good advice! I've kinda resolved myself to not even check anymore if he's been online, checking my page, whatever... but yeah...
I may, in a month or so, just message him and say "how are you?" just to let him know, Im not completely not continuing our friendship. but, as someone said, Im not gonna waste my time on meaningless things, especially if I have more important things to think about and especially if I feel really bad about the whole situation. so Im taking a break right now...
but yeah...
Thanks!!  |
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