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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 03/15/2011 12:03 PM |
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I have been wondering this for a while.....
Is it wrong to over obsess about some guy at church, school, youth group, and where ever else?
I have a few friends that are reantly going goo gaga over how much they like some guys.
One of the girls is 15 and a strong christian...She has the BIGGEST crush on this guy at church,(she likes my best friends brother, we all go to the same church).. She is always talking about him, wants me or other friends from church to ask him if he likes her.
i told her...
"___, get a hold of your self, you are only 15, and shouldnt be thinking of guys, instead you need to focus more on your relationship with God. its fine to have a little crush, but you are over obsessing on this guy." she said "so what if i have a chrush on him, im going to marry him or any other guy. im going to be a missionary, and NEVER get married. so i can crush on him all i want." Im NOT going to ask this guy if he likes her, that would be stupid..I dont want to see her get hurt, ((been there done that)) she just wont take my advice or my best friends.
So how should i help her?? what do i say?? i dont want to sound mean or make her mad at me. i am already praying for her.
Please help!!  |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 03/15/2011 2:23 PM |
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Well, coming back a little as to what I think about dating at too young an age: 15 is just too young for my liking- in my honest opinion at least. At that age teenage girls are still at the mentality that they're invincible, nothing bad can happen to them, and they haven't yet learned how to make mature, wise decisions on all things considered. At 15 they're still VERY much influenced by their peers, and peer pressure- media pressure too. They're still trying to find out "who they are"- to use the cliché- or in other words, figure out just how original they want to be.
That said, I do think she is over obsessing about this guy, and in my honest opinion, I don't think it's healthy. I think you're right, Beckah, to tell her that she needs to focus her attention on God, or at least that's what I would highly suggest she do (and many others at that). She could find out so much more about herself by relying on God, than she could by obsessing over anything else. She's special, but I really think she is setting herself up for less than what she deserves by thinking constantly about this guy (or any other guy for that matter). I'm sorry, I hope I'm not coming across as condescending or anything toward you or your friend- that's not my intention. 
Well, sorry for that little tangent Beckah but to try and answer your question, yeah I think prayer really really helps, and maybe gently show and/or tell her that she needs to work on her relationship with God first and foremost, and help her see how God sees her: beautiful, special, and in no need to obsess over any guy for attention because she has His attention.
I wonder if I sounded like I was preaching to the choir? ^_^ Haha let me know if you wanted a different answer |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 03/16/2011 3:05 AM |
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to add to the lovely advice of nicole 
if she's saying she wants to be a missionary and is not gonna get married, and she's still crushing MAJORLY over a guy... she's being contradictory... when you're setting yourself aside to be celibate and for "God" only, you are supposed to resist falling all over guys... if you're being serious...
idk if your friend would read a book, but some books that helped me to stop obsessing over guys (Believe me, been there done that, got the t shirt...) were books called 31 girl, His Princess Bride, Bloom-a girls guide to growing up, basically any books that speak about being a godly young woman and behaving like one. haha. I'm sure you can find alot that are similar...
as to her wanting someone to ask if he likes her... trust me, it always backfires, and I'm a firm believer in the fact that the guy should make the first move... (Find the topics on here where the guys have spoken about why this is so important...) because if the girls give the guys shortcuts, the guys dont man up and take on the responsibility God has given them, and in the end, dont become the man they need to be...
but like I said, if she's going to be a single girl the rest of her life, she needs to focus on why she's gonna be single and the meaning behind it... if she says different and keeps on about this guy, she needs to realise she might not be cut out to be single forever, and to stop saying she is gonna be. actions speak louder than words... and say you did ask this guy if he likes her (dont ask him btw) and he says yes... i bet she'll want to date him... uh hello... there goes her "I'm gonna never get married" statement...
so maybe ask her "ok, I'm not saying I'm gonna ask him... but say I did... and he said he did... what would you do? honestly? think about it? what would your reaction be? is it gonna reflect the fact that you want to be a missionary and not get married?"
Maybe she'll see what she's doing wrong if you can get her to "self" reflect...
on a side note... just cuz you're gonna be a missionary doesn't mean you dont have to get married. you just need to marry a guy with the same calling as you hehe.
anyways, feel free to ask more if you need to |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
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God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 03/16/2011 3:10 PM |
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To agree with what Jo says.....
She pretty much said it, and I will agree that asking your friends to ask your crush if he likes you can indeed backfire. In my quite honest opinion... it's kind of elementary/Jr High-ish. Also to back up what Jo said: if she does indeed have a life's mission to be single, yet she's crushing majorly.... that's a bit of a contradiction right there. Well it's not wrong to have a crush, that's natural for girls, but if it were me in her place- I wouldn't exactly be wanting to find out if he does like me back- cause if he did, then what? Dating? So if she did, and if they got serious later on and your friend still wanted to remain single- she would have to break off their relationship, which doesn't come with "no strings attached". I'm also thinking she should leave herself open for what God has in mind for her; maybe he has in mind for her to be a missionary WITH her husband. Maybe not.
I highly agree with Jo that your friend could focus on why it is she wants to remain single. I also suggest "Authentic Beauty" and "Set Apart Femininity" by Leslie Ludy and "When God writes your Life Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy if she wants to see about living a life totally devoted to God, filled with meaning. There are many others out there too 
Yeah, ask her gently to see where she stands now, and pray for her, and be a friend. I might be preaching to the choir, but just to add to my already long post.
I hope it all goes well! |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 03/20/2011 10:35 PM |
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"so what if i have a crush on him, im going to marry him or any other guy. im going to be a missionary, and NEVER get married. so i can crush on him all i want."
that's like saying, "I can sleep with my fiance because we know we're getting married" ok maybe not but still the right and wrong moral is there! My 13yr old sis has a friend that is boy crazy and I find it sickening. I remember quite well @ that age thinking I was pretty mature and would handle a relationship quite well. ehhh yeah, even @ 18 I couldn't handle one very well :p
I considered the life of a single missionary, and then the life of a wife, and you have to chose one or the other (unless the man is missionary minded and its a couple thing) if you want to devote your life to God in that way, now is the time to prepare for that and if God chooses to have you marry he'll make it clear!
(I realize i just said all this to "you" but I mean people in general!) |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/22/2011 1:47 PM |
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| I think she's prematurely saying that she won't get married, but if that actually is going to be her case, then she is only wasting time on thoughts that should be focused toward God. I agree with Clare. (as usual! ) |
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Q
Posts:137
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| 03/22/2011 9:59 PM |
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Yea all tose people saying they wont get married, it's quite an ignorant/obnoxious thing to claim really,
But seriously the whole point of not getting married is to keep yourself for Jesus, by obsessing over someone it's kinda defeating the purpose, though it's not easy, I've almost always got a crush on someone, and it kinda hurts knowing that you aren't gonna follow through. |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/23/2011 5:26 PM |
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But seriously the whole point of not getting married is to keep yourself for Jesus, by obsessing over someone it's kinda defeating the purpose, though it's not easy,
I DO have to agree with you on that one, Quartly. |
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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 03/24/2011 11:24 PM |
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| thank you all!! |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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Q
Posts:137
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| 03/25/2011 12:35 AM |
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OK, Darcie, this is getting a bit scary now, maybe we're actually influencing each other, I dont know how to do smilees but i would put a crooked mouth one here.
@Beckah, You are very welcome. |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/25/2011 1:10 AM |
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umm... influencing each other for what??? You're scaring me!   |
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Q
Posts:137
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| 03/25/2011 8:25 PM |
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| The fact that you disagreed with my first post, and almost everyone after that, and now we start to agree on a few things, shows that we have influenced each other, don't worry it's scary for me too, some girl halfway around the world has changed the way I think, but I guess everone on here has changed me, but you most because you challenge everything I say. |
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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 03/25/2011 9:37 PM |
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| sorry but you guys ARE funny. |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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dc_88keys4christ
Posts:0
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| 03/25/2011 10:20 PM |
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| Lol I'm hoping that was a compliment. |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 03/26/2011 10:54 PM |
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you two are hopless
This might be a little off subject! But...I can't stand how some people think that it's more honorable to be single than to be married. I have been reading a bunch of marriage books and it a was saying in the Middle Ages how monks were the ones writing books and influencing people that it was more holy to remain single, and sexual relations (within Marriage) was almost considered a weakness, like if you're married, you were weak because you couldn't live an abstinent life. The book went on to show how that influence is still today, and how in the scriptures, there is support for remaining single and marrying, and how marriage is a strong symbol of Christ and the Church and can bring you closer to God in ways being single can't. I guess, as I'm approaching getting married, I sometimes find it confusing when I get the feeling from people, or read about people who think it is so much more honorable to live a single life!!
ANYWAYS....I'm not sure what that had to do with this. thoughts anyone?? |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 03/27/2011 1:15 AM |
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to Clare... I agree... people act like it's more honourable to be single than married, but God designed marriage etc as a reflection of what the relationship of the trinity is... and the best way to understand the trinity and experience what it's sorta like, is to be married haha. yeah sorry, bible college studys
and clare said it again, what your friend is doing by crushing hard out but saying she's gonna be celibate... it's like being married and having an affair, and making it seem ok by saying "Oh, but it's not like its anyone elses problem, it's my issue, and it's not like i'm married to 2 people, I'm still with my spouse" but... the fact is... you cheated... and that's not faithfulness... and by crushing hard out and knowing you are and being deliberate about it, when you're supposed to be celibate, it's like cheating on God... cuz He's supposed to be your one and only if you're celibate... |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 03/28/2011 2:02 AM |
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Oh please.... more honorable to be single than married. That is not true. Like Jo said, God designed marriage to be a reflection of what our relationship is like with the trinity, or with the Father. Marriage should be a blessing. Granted, some people are more designed to be single, and serve God through their singleness. Still, marriage suits other people and two can serve God through marriage too. To be celibate during marriage, or abstinent.... I have to disagree with the monks. To be intimate with your mate, that's another thing God created to be enjoyed between husband and wife.
As much as I enjoy being single right now, I'm actually getting to the point in my life when I'm really thinking about dating and marriage in the future. I want to get married at some point in my life. Right now there are no particular guys lining up at my door but for the time period that I am single, I'm learning to depend more and more on my Father (In Heaven) and develop a deeper relationship with Him, making Him number one in my life before I let another man in. Haha if I made any sense at all. Bottom line: single or married- you can serve God, and lead an honorable life. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 03/28/2011 4:37 PM |
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| that's something you'll never regret doing Nicole I wish I had been more content with my single years and keeping God my first priority. |
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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 03/28/2011 7:34 PM |
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Clare, JoJo, and Nicole.....
you girls are so awsome! i love reading your long posts. yall are like the best advice givers. lol
i really look up to yall.. You girls are so mature and so on fire for the Lord. you girls have been helping me in so may ways that i never would have thought. So anyways thanks!
love ya!((sister in christ kind of love)) |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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Nicole
Posts:552
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| 03/29/2011 3:01 PM |
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Clare: I'm only happy I learned it early in life- but I guess it did help that I was socially awkward during my first years of teenage life. Clare, you are special though- don't ever forget it! You have a relationship with Him now- that's what matters.
Beckah: Aww my first compliment (maybe only) of the day that's literally what went through my head. Haha I guess it does pay to age- we get more wisdom to pass down  I love posting (hopefully insightful) posts on these forums and it's fun to get to know you all. Haha it took me 20 years to get to the point where I'm at now; though if you just count my baptism- 5 years. I'm really happy to see the evidence of growth.
Of course, I'm still growing as you can tell in any of my other posts. Love you all too! <3 |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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