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IDLibrarian
Posts:20
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| 02/02/2012 3:42 AM |
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A little history: the guy I'm with was my academic rival for a few years before becoming my best friend. Last year, we decided to begin a relationship. For both of us, this was a very big step... when we go to dinner on Valentine's Day, it will be the first date either of us has ever been on! 
However, in the fall we'll both be leaving for college. We're definitely steering this relationship toward eventual marriage, but do any of you have tips on how to prepare our relationship for the long-distance phase and also just enjoy the time we have? Thanks!  |
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IDLibrarian
Posts:20
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| 02/02/2012 4:44 AM |
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| I didn't mention.... my parents are (rather reluctantly) in favor of the relationship, but his are much less so. They basically told him that he's old enough to make his own mistakes (guess I know what that makes me...). |
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JoyfullyHis
Posts:7
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| 02/02/2012 1:31 PM |
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We're courting too - and I'll be honest with you, sometimes having those conversations about the future are JUST as enjoyable as otherwise. It's truly refreshing to discuss topics like money [which we already agree on], or children, or spiritual matters... and it also makes the 'just for fun' dates and things like that fun. So I might suggest - well - just mixing it up!
{we've been courting for 10 weeks - and covered almost every topic. It's very exciting.  }
Kate- |
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IDLibrarian
Posts:20
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| 02/02/2012 3:45 PM |
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| Thanks, Kate! I'll remember this for future discussions. |
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Lucky Albatross
Posts:176
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| 02/05/2012 2:44 AM |
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Biggest piece of advice I can give is commit to a regular date night once you both head off to university. Meet once a week, once a month, something like that, and like Kate mentions above, mix it up. Try and make each 'date night' unique! Don't expect the relationship to function on autopilot. Long distance has always required significantly more effort in my experience, even in the best of relationships, so definitely keep the lines of communication open.
All that said, I wish you two the best!! |
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One step at time,
I trust these feet of mine,
To carry me on to where I belong.
Mike Zito |
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IDLibrarian
Posts:20
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| 02/05/2012 11:28 PM |
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| Thanks for your advice! It helps that his university is less than half an hour away from the area where my dad's parents and all his siblings live. I really appreciate the suggestions from both of you. |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 02/06/2012 10:15 PM |
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| yeah if you can't get together regularly, at least try to skype or talk on the phone alot... my parents did a ldr from opposite sides of South Africa... and it takes a big committment so def keep the lines of communication open and try to see each other when you can |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Beckah
Posts:903
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| 03/02/2012 12:23 PM |
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AWWWW!!! Congrats! I have been courting a wonderful christian guy for almost 6 months.. I have learned a LOT. like do's and dont's.. Him and i talk about getting married quite often.
The big one i learned is communication.. We had a big fight because the lack of it. (but thanks to my parents we made it through it) We are not allowed to hold hands and do front hugs. But we can do side hugs. We are never alone together. And we do say i love you. if you have any questions about courting just email me. id be glad to help. |
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"Check yourself before you wreck yourself" |
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clare
Posts:952
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| 03/03/2012 11:48 PM |
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I posted on here but apparently it didn't go through.
Most of my relationship was done long distance and a hated everfory second of it. I am very much quality time and my husband not so much so it was harder for me. The biggest thing is be sure to talk and for at least an hour at a time if you're going to get anywhere. We texted throughout the day and always called to say goodnight and when we had more time talked for an hour several times a week
Do things that speak each others love language. Unless its physical or acts of service, those are a little hard. If either of you are gift givers or words of affirmation our quality time be sure to do them. You can't really prepare yourself for being apart, but enjoy every second you are together. |
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Peace
Posts:15
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| 03/04/2012 1:38 AM |
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As one who spent most of her courtship in long-distance mode, I can definitely empathize with what you're feeling! I courted my now-husband from the summer after high school until after we both graduated from college, and we were married the summer after our college graduations. Perhaps the best piece of advice I can give you is not to let the relationship become the center of your life. It's so easy to let that become the focus--getting through school so that you can get married. As excited as that idea is, it's SO important to enjoy college. Take interesting classes. Join clubs, Play sports--varsity, intramural, pickup, whatever. If you're musical or dramatic, explore those talents. Get to know the people in your dorm--really get to know them. Spend time doing stupid, goofy stuff with your roommate. Dive into campus Bible studies. Explore the city. Take time to enjoy your singleness (ie, your not-yet-married-ness ).
In all honesty, I personally don't think it's wise to be texting throughout the day. My husband and I talked for a while every night on the phone, but during the day, we enjoyed our own lives. It may sound cliché, but college really is the time when you mature into the person you're going to become. And I absolutely cannot overemphasize the importance of knowing what you want out of life, what you need in a partner, and especially knowing your own identity BEFORE you get married. It is truly essential to a strong marriage, and you simply can't learn those things from someone else. You have to take the time on your own to do it. So take the time to explore life at college. Besides, that way, you'll have something more interesting than classwork to talk about during those nightly chats.
Oh, and speaking of those nightly chats, I'd personally suggest that you take care that you don't talk too much about the future until you're closer to being able to get married. I know that my husband and I decided to wait until we were engaged to talk about finances, kids, and what we wanted our own household to look and act like. Once we started those discussions, I wanted to hurry up and get to the wedding SO much! It was much easier to wait while we were still guarding our emotional intimacy a bit closer. Plus, that way it's a lot more concrete rather than abstract.
Anyway, I didn't mean to go on so long, but there it is. May God richly bless you, your relationship, and your time at college! |
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DivineRomance
Posts:20
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| 05/03/2012 8:35 AM |
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| I am going through a situation similar to this, so this thread is very helpful! He went to a two year college and I went to cosmetology school a couple of years ago, which is a year long, and last year, he took a year off before he finished school. We started dating a couple of months ago and he goes back to school this fall an hour and a half away and I continue working here. I welcome any more advice you have for me! Thanks!!! |
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