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Yuraenia
Posts:3
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| 01/14/2012 8:56 AM |
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For anyone who's had this situation, please help! And if not, still help please!
My situation is a long story so bear with me!
Basically, I've been having problems dealing with my mind and its very imaginative abilities because I end up fantasizing (non-sexually!) about this guy many times and I've even had dreams about him when I wasn't thinking about him in the first place.
He's one of my best guy friends but we had some kind of history in a sense cuz I used to have this huge crush on him when we weren't that good of friends yet. But then he left for a year, so I lost that crush thankfully and was able to focus.
He's back now and we're very close, even to the point that I'm quite familiar with the parents (and i get this feeling they like me too). He likes being very playful sometimes and he's actually given me a lot of attention in a playful sense.
However, he's already told me that he doesn't like me (well he wasn't attracted to me physically) and it kinda hurt at first. (He also knew that I liked him when I never told him straight). Eventually i got the guts to tell him that he hurt me and we were able to reconcile cuz honestly, I couldn't hold a grudge on him for that and he was actually afraid that he might've hurt me. I don't think I'm that attractive either compared to those models. Plus I already knew he liked another person so I couldn't really do much. He just hasn't confessed. My friends and I knew he liked this other girl in the past and she liked him too but they didn't do anything about it. Now, they're good friends as well. But I notice he seems to give her a lot of attention too. It looks obvious that he likes her to me even if he "doesn't know". And yet the girl acts like they're only buddies. How do I deal with this as well, cuz I get this pang of jealousy sometimes even if I don't want and shouldn't care...
Is it cuz I hang out a lot with him too that I feel this way? Cuz I don't want to break our friendship and stop hanging out with him when we're almost as close as siblings already (once, his mom commented on that when he, another friend, and I were arguing about math when we were at his place)...
We're also kinda touchy with each other (friend-touchy like pats on the head, poking, etc.) and yet we dont seem to mind...  We've also had serious conversations.
How do I deal with my fantasies and pangs of slight jealousy? Better yet, how do I deal with the guy so that I don't hurt myself, anyone, and yet not break our close friendship...idk...we're not looking for dating relationships either..
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Lucky Albatross
Posts:176
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| 01/15/2012 2:22 AM |
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We never do seem to get over the ones we don't get. You say you've 'lost' the crush you had on this guy, but I don't think you're over him. People usually don't fantasize over or become jealous of individuals they don't have strong feelings for.
My best advice I can give over the fantasies is to recognize them as such. Fantasies obviously aren't reality. With the feelings of jealousy, we all want what we can't have. (Guys included!) You ever notice if someone is 'out of our league' or 'not interested', we seem to want them all the more? I'd venture your feelings are along the same lines.
You're still gonna have feelings for this guy, so why not channel them? Take the romantic feelings and channel them into the more platonic aspects of your friendship. You're still allowed to care for someone you're not dating, wouldn't you agree?
Hope that helps somewhat!  |
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One step at time,
I trust these feet of mine,
To carry me on to where I belong.
Mike Zito |
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Yuraenia
Posts:3
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| 01/15/2012 5:09 AM |
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Thanks! It helps to hear this from someone other than my friends that I see and talk to every day. And I guess what you're saying about liking guys who don't like you back is true. I just never had anyone like me before so it's hard to compare xD But honestly, I don't want to want him cuz it feels that our friendship will just end up strained if I do. I really don't handle crushes very well....
Thanks for the advice. |
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JoJo
Posts:1670
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| 02/01/2012 5:11 PM |
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I know it sucks, and I'm definitely still learning this myself, but sometimes knowing if "yes" he likes you or "no" he doesn't. is a good thing, especially earlier on... I'm so preaching to the choir now haha. ahem
but the sooner you know it isn't gonna work (not saying it wont) but the easier you can move on...
idk if you have any more questions feel free to ask  |
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Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live
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God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Yuraenia
Posts:3
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| 02/03/2012 9:59 AM |
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Yeah...with the time passing and all, it's kinda obvious that it won't work for the mean time.. especially since I'm choosing not to date yet anyway xD and its obvious that he still likes that other girl..
Now, I'm just trying to live life without thinking about this and actually focusing on whats more important. |
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